You Put What, Where?
by Nachos4Children
Summary: With the help of a pea, has the lonely prince finally found his princess?


**Hi everyone! I entered a contest back in January called the "Twisted Twilight Tales" O/S contest. I was runner-up for the most public votes and won the "Thinking Outside the Box Award" from the judges. So, yay for me and thank you to everyone who voted!**

**Like a lot of little girls, I had dreamed of being a princess when I grew up, and the Princess and the Pea has been my favorite fairy tale for as long as I can remember. I would beg my mother to read it to me almost every night, and she usually obliged - often pretending to put a pea under my mattress, which I ALWAYS felt, of course. I hope you will indulge my fantasy and enjoy my Twilight take on this classic fairy tale.**

**P.S. For those of you who are Clementines readers, my apologies for my lack of updates. I am currently working on the next chapter and hope to have it finished soon.**

**I don't own Twilight or The Princess and the Pea because I'm neither Mormon nor dead.**

_Prologue_

_Long ago, in a land quite forgotten, there lived a queen whose only hope was that her son, Prince Edward, would find happiness. Each night her dreams were filled with this wish._

_Certainly the prince had every reason to be happy. The king and queen loved him. The castle where he made his home was comfortable. Servants waited upon him, eager to fill his every need._

_Still, the handsome prince was sad and lonely. He wanted to marry, but not just any bride. He wanted to marry a true princess._

_Many beautiful girls lived in the kingdom and in lands across the ocean and over the mountains. Girls who said they were princesses. And so the prince, with his mother's help, decided to meet every girl and choose a bride._

_One by one, girls came to the castle to meet the prince and the queen. But none was the bride he wanted. At last, the prince gave up his search._

_Late one dark and rainy night, the prince and his mother and father heard a timid knock at the door. Curious, they opened it and let it swing wide._

_Blown in with the wind and the rain was a girl who said that her name was Bella. When she pushed back her hood to her cape, long chocolate colored hair fell about her face._

_Prince Edward thought that she was the most beautiful girl her had ever seen. Quickly, he led her close to the fireplace where a great blaze roared. As she warmed her hands and let the rain dry from her dress and cape, she explained that she was a princess who had lost her way in the dark. The prince grew hopeful that perhaps Bella might be the princess he had been looking for._

_The queen thought that this story was the tallest of tales.. Yet she held her tongue and made a plan. The plan would certainly prove if the girl was a princess or an imposter._

_"Stay tonight, my dear," she said. "In the morning we will help you find your way back home."_

_After the girl agreed, the queen left to prepare a room. She stacked six mattresses high upon a large bed. Then she placed three small peas at the bottom of the pile, knowing that only the skin of a true princess would be sensitive enough to feel something as small as a pea through them. She then led Bella into the room._

_"I hope you will be comfortable here," she said._

_Bella had never seen such a tall bed. She watched as the queen left the room, then climbed to the highest mattress and snuggled under a soft, flowered blanket._

xXxXx

It wasn't long after the queen had bid me goodnight, that I heard the door to my room creak open. I couldn't see him in the pitch black, moonless night, but I knew who it was regardless - I hadn't stopped thinking about him for a moment that evening. Even if I were blind, I would know my true love anywhere.

"Bella," was all he said as he ascended the mountain of mattresses. My hand sought and found his, and I pulled his body on top of mine. He settled himself between my thighs as he took my face between his hands. It seemed as if he were waiting for some kind of permission, so I lifted my head and pressed my lips hungrily against his. He moaned quietly into my mouth, his breath hot and intoxicating. Before I knew what I was doing, I had slipped my tongue past his lips, causing his mouth to open even further.

As our tongues moved over one another, I began to squirm. Something was happening to me, something uncomfortable, down there. I was scared - I had no idea what it meant or what could possibly be wrong with me. Suddenly, he shifted his weight, and I gasped as the hard bulge between his legs pushed against me.

I thrust my hips upward and was met with another wave of pleasure washing over me. I may have been a virgin, but it seemed that my body knew exactly what I needed: more. Of that. So much more.

My hands clawed frantically at the material of my long nightgown, pulling it higher over my thighs as if they were being controlled by some creature other than myself. All I knew was that I needed to feel him against my flesh - only that would help ease the ache I felt.

To my surprise and delight, he tugged furiously at his own night clothes. I should have known that he would be feeling the same way I did.

Freed from the constraints of fabric, my hands roamed freely over his perfect body until they reached the smooth hardness between his legs. Instinctively, they moved up and down his length, and he buried his face into my neck, muffling his moans. I giggled happily knowing that I must be doing something right.

I cried out as something suddenly slipped inside me, but his hand clamped over my mouth, silencing me. I looked down and saw his other hand disappearing between us. I began to feel very wet, but very, very good at the same time. Whatever he was doing, I never wanted him to stop.

What had begun as a simple ache had now turned into a burn hotter than the fire that I had warmed my hands at earlier. I began to shake and thrash about until I feared that the mattresses were about to topple over. The fire within me continued to rage as his fingers moved faster and faster, spreading the wetness all over me.

It was too much. I feared that something was going to explode like a canon inside of me. My eyelashes began to flutter, and if it wasn't for the hand covering my mouth, I'm sure I would have screamed loud enough for the town crier to hear me.

Suddenly, time stood still and every part of my body froze - I couldn't move or breathe, even if I had wanted to, before everything released in a burst of colors. What had he done to me? An entirely new kind of fire consumed me, and I welcomed it with open arms. Never had I imagined that I could feel this way. Eventually, the flames dwindled to merely embers, and I could breathe again.

Confident I would no longer cry out, he removed his hand from over my mouth and captured my lips with his own. He tasted even sweeter than honey, and I told him so, mussing his perfectly coifed hair with my fingers. Even in the dark, I could feel him smiling as he nudged my legs further apart. I nodded and kissed him gently. I may have lacked experience, but I knew what he wanted.

And Oh, how I wanted it too.

I felt a small, momentary stab of pain, like something was breaking inside of me as he pushed himself into me, but it quickly subsided. He fit me like a new pair of gloves - everything felt snug and warm. We lay still for a moment, waiting until my body decided it was ready to continue. After another breathless nod, we began to move.

Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined something so magical could happen to me. My breath came in ragged gasps as my hips rose up to meet him as he came down. I was so hot, I was burning up. Was there anything that could quench the fire consuming me?

My legs wrapped around him tightly, coaxing him even further inside me. Whatever had taken over my body earlier was now making my hand reach between us, seeking out the same spot that had tamed the fire before. My fingers fluttered like butterfly wings until I was whimpering and begging my love for mercy. Mercy that he gave me over and over again that night.

xXxXx

I groaned as I opened my eyes the next morning. My entire body ached. I had barely gotten any sleep, and I was sure that I looked an absolute mess. I sat up and stretched my arms, twisting my body from side to side, checking to see if everything still worked properly. So much had happened in the hours since I had knocked on the solid castle doors. In that short amount of time, I had somehow fallen in love - something I had never thought would happen to me. I closed my eyes and thought of that wonderful moment when I first knew.

As I had stood by the warm fire, he had taken my hand and tenderly pressed his soft lips against my knuckles. I had felt something between us - sort of like during those cold winter nights when you touch something and a tiny flash of lightning snaps between it and your fingers. But this feeling didn't hurt or sting. Instead, it made my breath catch in my throat and my bosom heave. His fingers had tightened around mine as his eyes stared back in surprise. He'd felt it, too.

In that small, intimate moment, everything had changed.

Here, I had come to their castle - cold and wet from the rain - lost and seeking nothing but shelter from the storm, and instead, found myself meeting the man of my dreams.

I climbed down from the stack of mattresses that had offered me little to no rest whatsoever, and dressed myself as quickly as possible, eager to see him once more to make sure I hadn't dreamed it all.

As I descended the long and winding stairs, I could hear voices echoing from below.

"But I love her mother! She _has_ to be a real princess."

"Edward, be still! Yes, she's beautiful, but you don't even know if my plan worked or not."

"It was a stupid plan, and I don't care if it worked! I know in my heart that Bella is a princess - I couldn't love her if she wasn't."

"Believe me, I want her to be a princess just as much as you do, but we can't get ahead of ourselves!"

I was furious. How dare they speak of me in such a way? Clearly the queen doubted that I was who I said I was - how ridiculous! I didn't need to prove myself to her, or to anyone for that matter!

I gave a small courtesy cough as I exited the stairwell. "Good morning," I said politely.

The queen's eyes grew large as she stared at me. I must have looked much more disheveled than I had thought.

"Good morning," she replied. "How did you sleep, my dear?"

I glanced at Prince Edward, who was watching me intently. "To be honest, I hardly slept at all, your majesty."

"See, mother!" cried Edward happily, rushing to my side. "She really is a princess!"

The queen clapped her hands together. "This is wonderful! Oh, I'm so happy!"

"Why? I already told you who I was," I snapped impatiently.

"Bella, don't you see? You're a _real_ princess! My mother's plan proved it, and now we can be married and start our lives together!" He snatched up my hands and drew them to his lips. "Father! Father, come quick! I have wonderful news for you!"

"Are you _mad?_" I replied, jerking my hands away. "And just what _plan_ are you referring to?"

"Last night, I placed three peas underneath your mattresses," the queen said, smiling broadly as she stepped toward us.

I backed away from them slowly, my sense of dread growing. "I'm sorry, what? You put peas underneath my mattresses? Why?"

"I knew that only a _true_ princess would have skin sensitive enough to feel them, thus explaining why you look like death warmed over this morning."

"I didn't feel anything through the mattresses though. I don't understand."

"You didn't? But...but...you said you couldn't sleep," he said after a moment, clearly confused. "Now _I _don't understand."

I didn't know what to say. I closed my eyes briefly, wishing that a fairy godmother or magical genie would appear to grant my wish to get me out of this mess.

"There's nothing to understand, my dear. That's why you couldn't sleep last night, whether you felt them or not - it was the peas!" the queen exclaimed triumphantly.

Edward breathed a sigh of relief and dropped to one knee before me, producing an enormous multi-diamond ring with flourish. From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's father, the king, enter the room. My heart immediately began to beat faster. It wasn't fair; I didn't want him to see this. Nor anyone else for that matter.

Edward cleared his throat nervously. "Bella, you are the true princess I've been waiting my whole life for, and I promise to love you every minute of forever. Will you marry me?"

I wanted to scream, but my voice was stuck in my throat. I wanted to slap both Edward and his mother for putting me into such a terrible position, but I couldn't move. It was as if an evil witch had somehow put a spell on me and frozen me in place, unable to save myself from the horror unfolding before me.

"No, my son. Bella will not be marrying you." The sound of _his_ voice, my love's voice came from behind me. He placed his hands on my shoulders and kissed me softly on the cheek, effectively breaking me of the spell, and I melted into him. "I'm afraid this princess is spoken for."

"Father? What do you mean?" Edward asked hesitantly.

"Yes, my king, what do you mean?" echoed the queen.

"I mean, that I love Bella, and she loves me."

Edward looked absolutely crestfallen. "Bella, is this true?"

I nodded, relief washing over me. "Yes, Edward, it's true. I'm so sorry, but I can't marry you. I love him."

The queen's eyes angrily darted back and forth between the two of us. "You can't be serious, Carlisle. Have you gone mad?"

"Oh, I'm serious," he replied, stroking my jaw lightly with his fingertips. "I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her last night that we were meant to be together."

"I see. And were your eyes the only part of you that laid on her last night?" she spat, her voice full of venom. "Was that the _'emergency' _you had to attend to?"

My cheeks grew hot with embarrassment, but I felt the king's arms tighten around me.

"That would be a fair assumption," he responded, offering his wife no apologies.

"How could you, father?" Edward demanded, his voice breaking. "You knew how I felt about her! She was _mine!_ You didn't even give me a chance to make her love me!"

"Excuse me?" I nearly shouted. My legs were shaking from the anger I felt. No one owned me, at least, no one besides Carlisle. Furthermore, no one could ever _make_ me love them. What a ridiculous concept!

"Edward, someday you will learn that we don't choose who we fall in love with," Carlisle said calmly, keeping his composure as Edward shook his head furiously back and forth. "And we don't give them 'tests' to prove their worthiness of our love. The right woman is out there for you. Eventually, you will find her and forgive me."

"But how? We've searched the entire kingdom father for a suitable princess for me," he protested. "There's nowhere left to look!"

"Then stop looking, Edward," I interjected. "You don't go looking for love. It finds you - when you least expect it." I squeezed Carlisle's hands for emphasis. "Your princess is out there, and she's probably just as lonely as you are. Fate will bring you together when the time is right - just like it did for me."

"Are you both forgetting something?" the queen asked angrily. "Carlisle, you are still married to me! And if you think I'm just going to give up my throne for her, you are sadly mistaken!"

"You see, Edward?" he replied, ignoring the queen's outburst. "This is what happens when a relationship isn't based on love. My marriage to your mother, Esme, was based on uniting her kingdom with mine. It was a mistake, but I can't bring myself to regret it. After all, it produced a wonderful, if misguided, son for me and allowed me to find my _true_ queen."

"True queen," she snorted. "She's not even a true _princess._"

"I am, too! Not that it's any business of yours!"

"Shhh, darling. I believe you," he whispered in my ear, before turning to Esme. "But that's the thing - it doesn't matter to me. Even if Bella were a pauper, I'd still feel the same way about her. I will gladly give up my throne to be with her."

This was music to my ears. Any fears I had about our future had just been put to rest, and I wanted to leap for joy.

"Then you shall come rule by my side, over my kingdom," I said, turning in his arms to face him.

"No," I heard Edward whisper softly. It pained me to know this was hurting him so badly.

I took a deep breath, laced my fingers through his, and continued. "The reason I was traveling so far and so late at night, was because my father was gravely ill. None of the doctors in my kingdom could figure out what was wrong with him. I searched the neighboring lands, trying to find someone who could possibly help him. But two days ago, I received word that I was too late - my father is dead. I am expected to take his place, but I know that I can't do it alone. I need you, Carlisle. Please be my king."

"Oh, Bella, I am so sorry for your loss, and yes - I will be honored to rule by your side. I love you." He took my face into his hands and pressed his lips tenderly against mine.

"I can't watch this," Edward said as he walked away, quite dejected. I couldn't say that I blamed him.

"This is absolutely ridiculous. You would throw everything away for a woman you haven't even known a day?" the queen said.

"The only thing that I'm throwing away is seventeen years of unhappiness, Esme. There's nothing ridiculous about that."

"Well, when everything goes sour with your little trollop here, don't even _think _about crawling back to me."

And with that, she stormed out of the room after Edward.

As soon as she was gone, my new king wrapped his arms around my waist and dropped me low, before pressing his delicious lips against mine. I reached up and fisted my hands through his hair, pulling him closer. I couldn't believe this was really happening.

When he finally righted me, I was dizzy. Not just from the rush of blood now draining from my head, but from the joy of a new future. The death of my father had been almost unbearable, but I had had months to prepare for it. I had done my best while my father was ill, but I was so inexperienced, all I did was make a mess of things. That was when I decided to find a miracle doctor who could help him, only I failed. While walking aimlessly around an unfamiliar kingdom, I had pretty much resigned myself to a lonely life trying to run a country.

"I love you," he said, sweeping me off my feet. "Let us waste no time beginning our lives together, my queen."

"I love you, too, my king," I replied, liking the way that sounded, before pulling him in for another kiss. "And I can't wait."

xXxXx

Shortly after we arrived in my land and Carlisle's marriage to Esme had been dissolved, we were married. My people fell in love with him, just as I had - well, maybe not just as I had - and welcomed him with open arms. The entire kingdom celebrated our union for days with delicious feasts, joyful music, and lively dances. It was more than I had ever hoped for.

And as they say, we lived happily ever after.

The End.


End file.
